Saturday, April 27, 2013

X is for Xerxes I


Xerxes I was an ancient Persian ruler who kept it real.

LEADERSHIP…
When Xerxes I's older brother claimed the crown after the death of their father, Darius I, Xerxes I was all like, "That's mine, bitch," because Xerxes I was a man who knew how to be assertive.



AUTHORITY…
When a bunch of uppity Babylonians were like, "Hey, uprisings are fun," Xerxes I put them in their place by melting their sacred golden statue of Bel, because Xerxes I was a man who knew how to rule some Babylonians.



JUSTICE… 
When Xerxes I was invading Greece and a storm destroyed his army's bridge across the Hellespont, Xerxes I ordered that backstabbing, two-timing river to be whipped 300 times, because Xerxes I was a man who knew how to punish a river.



VISION… 
When Xerxes I's men burned Athens to the ground, Xerxes I ordered them to march right back over there and rebuild the whole thing, because Xerxes I was a man who appreciated the iconic Athens skyline.



PRIORITIES… 
When word reached Xerxes I that those damn Babylonians were uprising again, Xerxes I abandoned his invasion of Greece and returned home, because Xerxes I was a man who would not be fucked with by Babylonians.

LEGACY… 
Although he never finished invading Greece, Xerxes I went on to build some very impressive palaces and things, and his greatness is still remembered today.



11 comments:

  1. Not too many people keep these challenges interesting. You, my friend, are one of the exceptions. Keeping it real since 486 B.C. was my pee-able moment.

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    1. That is the best compliment I could have gotten during A-Z, especially so close to the end when I feel like I'm losing my mind. Thank you!

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  2. All your stuff is good, but this post is extra funny.

    Love,
    Janie

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    1. Thank you! I wasn't sure how people would feel about a Xerxes I post. I'm really glad you liked it.

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  3. I'm a history nut, you summed him up well and I think you should do a kids history book, kids would enjoy and learn history in this form, good job.
    #atozchallenge
    maggie at expat brazil

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    1. You know, that's a cool idea. Except I might aim it more toward college students so that I could use all sorts of fun, salty language.

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  4. A rare not-about-Haley entry. Unless you are claiming to be a reincarnation of Xerxes. Would certainly change a number of things...

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    1. I really have been writing a lot about myself lately. It was nice to take a break and draw someone else. Especially Xerxes I and his beard.

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  5. Your blog is amusing. You're very talented.

    Congrats on finishing the a-z challenge. :)

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  6. LOVE THIS! I would use this with my 7th graders -- except for the "salty" language (Perhaps I'll edit it a little bit).

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  7. Kerri, I would LOVE for one of my posts to be used in an educational capacity! Feel free to black out some of the words if needed (or remove them however you see fit). If you do end up showing this post to them, please let me know how it goes! I'm curious.

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