Friday, April 5, 2013

E is for Effort

Even though I'm married, I occasionally get hit on.  For the most part, these misguided pickup attempts serve as a nice self-esteem boost, but I feel kind of bad for the guy in question--unless he's creepy.  I've never been happier to be able to say, "Nope, married!" than when I'm approached by the likes of this:



But in the case of average guys who are neither inbred nor brewing meth in their toilet, I sometimes wish I could give constructive criticism, like, "No, but good effort, and I love how you worked it so seamlessly into the conversation," or "No, but outstanding use of humor, and extra points for using advanced vocabulary terms."

This is how I imagine it could work:


See how that really softened the blow of rejection?  This is the future of dating, right here.

20 comments:

  1. That is too funny!!! You don't have a performance review on our comments do you. Please, say no.

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    1. Haha no, I'm not nearly that organized! It would be funny though. I could grade them for things like insight or number of compliments.

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  2. I would appreciate handouts like that, or just stickers. I would be happy if I would get golden stars for my flirting efforts! You can wear them like badges of honour...or failure.

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    1. Bars and clubs should totally start doing that. It would be so much fun.

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  3. That is a fantastic idea. A review is better than a laugh, surely!

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  4. Hahaha, this is brilliant. I think a lot of men could benefit from a performance review. I think you should start doing them.

    As for the 'yer priddy' man - terrifyingly accurate drawing of a creeper!

    Rebeccah Writes

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  5. I love this! I want to apply it to every situation that I am in, though. For example, the lady standing beside me at the bakery section of the market who is blocking me from seeing the selections? I could give her one of these sheets and mark "consideration of others" a one or even zero. That would make me feel much better, and might be nicer than what I really wanted to do (punch her).

    Let's see, who else could I give one of these little performances review to? How about the mailman? "I hate getting my mail at 6 pm when I KNOW the next neighborhood over gets theirs at 1:30 in the afternoon. Timing: 2 (out of 10)."

    Gosh, I am so on a roll here! I could even rate my sister when she calls! I could give her a 9 if she asks me lots of questions about myself, or give her a 3 or 4 if she just rambles and tells me a story I have heard before.

    This is going to be awesome, Haley!!! You have changed my life forever. And I just KNOW that everyone will be super-grateful for the Performance Review. Right? What could possibly go wrong with a little constructive criticism when these people so obviously need it.

    xxo
    MOV
    ps-- I like the idea of Poke The Rock's stickers. Would they be forced to wear the bad review stickers though? I think they should. That is the price of being involved in MOV's life. :)

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    1. Maybe it would become like a competition and people would literally be elbowing each other out of the way for the chance to do something nice for you.

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  6. Loved it - can you keep up this funny, creative pace for the rest of the alphabet!!!

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    1. I don't know. I might not be coherent anymore by the end of it. But I intend to try!

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  7. This should indeed be the future. The future with score cards!

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  8. Priceless! Perfect laugh for a Friday afternoon, thanks. I too get the occasional interest, and at my age...it really does boast one's morale. I'm 62 and without the beauty of chemicals would be drab grey...argh. Long story, but often I don't wear my wedding ring while at work; and a rather good looking Italian guy who's a regular there said he'd planned to ask me out. Something was said and he over head a conversation where I mentioned hubby, he assumed I wasn't married and told he was going to ask me out.

    A-Z

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  9. LOL!! I love that idea, haha! This is just too funny. I need to share your blog with all my friends and family. They will all love it. If you're blog isn't already famous, it should be. :)

    The A to Z blog said in the latest post to add a link to your own A to Z blog in the comments, so here's mine: kristenhead.blogspot.com

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  10. Too funny...good luck to the girl :-)

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  11. Haha, that was hysterical!!!

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  12. lolol--literally! Laughing out loud. Too funny. For the girl who can't stop her inner editor--perfect. :-) lol

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  13. LOL I would love a performance review, except rarely do I ever attempt to "pick up" or "hit on" anyone. These reviews would surely help, though, I'm sure!

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