Sunday, November 11, 2012

The Floor is Lava

I have a bad habit of never looking at my page's traffic sources.  I prefer to sit back and assume my page views are increased by wizards.  Recently though, a friend stumbled across a link to my blog on Get Off My Internets, except it was in the good part called Stay On My Internets, which means I won't be chased off the Internet by an angry mob wielding fire and sharp things.  I generally take "no angry mob" as a compliment, so when I found out I was like

Then I remembered how horribly I've been neglecting this blog, and I was like

People are going to click that link thinking, "Hey, a new blog to read!"  And instead they're going to see the neglected wasteland my blog has become and go, "Pff, this blog is abandoned.  Let's attack it with fire and sharp things!"

So now I'm writing this post to appease the Internets.

I really don't want to abandon my blog.  I've been working on a couple of other illustration projects for the past few months, which I'm hoping will help this blog grow once they've been released.  I wish I could tell you about them now, but it will have to wait just a little longer.  I will definitely be able to tell you about them by December, though.  (*edit: that did not happen due to circumstances beyond my control, but one of them should be released by the end of January or early February, I swear.)  I can go ahead and tell you that they're not directly related to any material from this blog itself.  They're illustrations I've done for other people based on their own ideas, and I'm really happy with the way they've turned out.

I've also been participating in National Novel Writing Month (also known as "writers mercilessly torturing themselves").  In case you haven't heard of it, it's a writing challenge that involves writing 50,000 words during the month of November.  I'm working on an adventure story that really has nothing to do with this blog and involves very little humor, so I'll try not to talk too much about it because I know you came here to laugh and look at drawings, not listen to me blather on about a boy coming of age in a dystopian society on the verge of collapse. 

Needless to say, between the illustration projects and the novel and working 30 hours a week and trying to say a few sentences to The Hubs each day, this blog is not the only aspect of my life that has been neglected.  I'm so glad no one is coming to our house for Thanksgiving this year, because they would be… well, I don't even know; there are so many things you can feel about my house in its current state.  Horror.  Revulsion.  Shock.  Anger.  Morbid curiosity.

However, since there is no way this place is getting cleaned until the novel is done and the illustration projects have gone to the printer, I've tried to look on the bright side of having a messy house.

For instance, living in filth is a great opportunity to reconnect with your inner child.

To be surprised by something new every day.

 To ask probing questions.

 And, as I've recently discovered, to relive some of your favorite childhood games.

Remember playing "The Floor is Lava," where you pretend the floor is a pit of molten death and you must hop across rugs and furniture to avoid it?  You still get to play that game as an adult, except now it's called "The Floor is Covered in Dirt, Crumbs, Cat Hair, and the Occasional Patch of Mysterious Sticky Stuff, and if You Touch It You'll Have to Go Shower."

Did you ever have contests with your siblings or classmates to see who could hold their breath longest?  You still get to do that, too, except now it's you versus the litter box.

So next time you come to this blog hoping for some entertainment, if you're sad to discover that I haven't posted in a while, just picture me and Hubs trying to play "The Floor is Lava" in our disgusting hovel, and hopefully that will lift your spirits.