Thursday, April 4, 2013

D is for Disgruntled Trash Collectors

Our trash collectors must have a lot of pent-up rage.

Every week, after they empty our trash can's contents into their truck, they launch the can and the lid, usually separately, on an impressive trajectory in what could be considered the general direction of our house.


I wonder if this is their subtle way of commenting on the putrid bags of cat litter we toss out on a regular basis.

Last summer, the can and lid flew a good twenty feet into the woods by our house, landing several feet from each other in a bed of poison ivy.


I dressed for the trash can retrieval like I was on a hazmat team.  My pants were tucked into my socks.  My sleeves were tucked into a pair of garden gloves.  My hair was stuffed underneath a hat.  All this in mid-July.  I wore only old clothes that I could theoretically bear to part with, just in case everything got contaminated and needed to be incinerated later.  I tiptoed over the poison ivy and handled the trash can as if it were a live bomb. 


As soon as I had dragged the trash can back to the driveway, I rushed inside and took a panicked shower.


Miraculously, I was spared and did not get a rash.

We've actually come to rely upon discovering our trash can in bizarre positions and locations, as an indicator that the trash was, indeed, collected as scheduled.  This has become such a regular thing that last week, when we found our trash can sitting perfectly upright, lid fastened, on the day after trash day, we were confused.


This week, I was actually a little bit comforted to see the trash can, once again, lying on its side near our mailbox, lid ajar.  Like a thoughtful, passive-aggressive message meant just for us.


14 comments:

  1. Haley,

    You are funnier than Hyperbole and a Half. And I am not just saying that because she has not written anything in a year (and a Half), I am also saying it because you illustrated the book I wrote.

    Ok, I am also saying it because you are super-duper-magruper funny. Like Funny, Exponential. Yeah. If the whole Haley's Comic title does not work out, I give you my permission to change your name officially to Funny, Exponential. Do you see how Exponential is MORE than "and a Half"? Good.

    xxo
    MOV
    ps-- we have the same trash guys. are you secretly my neighbor?!?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Maybe our trash guys share a distant ancestor who was famous for getting angry and throwing things.

      Delete
  2. maybe there is a competition going on they are practicing for...professional trash can throwers?? is there such a thing?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. If there is, I will watch it on the Internet.

      Delete
  3. They probably don't even give it a second thought. I mean, if you haven't complained yet, they probably assume everything's copacetic! It sounds exactly like something that's irritating as all get-out to begin with, but becomes endearing. You find it endearing, right? You didn't secretly compose this one with white hot rage, did you?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. The weird thing is, I DO find it sort of endearing now...

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  4. When I worked in an Occupational Medicine clinic, we had a contract to take care of the city's garbage men. They usually came in right after work. Their stench was so overwhelming that I don't know how they could have smelled what was in the cans.

    Love,
    Janie

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Those poor guys. Makes me feel better about the horrible stench of our cat litter, I guess...?

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  5. Great post :) I think I am in agreement with the Poke Mistress... I think there is possibly training for a competition or secret Garbage Men Wars going on.

    Can't wait to see what the topic for "H" is!

    Jak at The Cryton Chronicles & Dreams in the Shade of Ink

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Garbage Men Wars = next hit reality series

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  6. Hang on... do you come from a nation where people deliver papers by throwing them?

    Maybe they learned this kinda thing early.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I DO come from a nation where people deliver papers by throwing them. Well, they did, before newspapers started to become obsolete.
      *gasp*
      Maybe THAT'S why our trash collectors are so angry--they used to throw newspapers for a living but were robbed of their livelihoods by technology!

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  7. I'm so glad our trash company went to handy automatic trucks with great big arms to gently pick up the can and put it right back where it was.

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