Tuesday, February 22, 2011

This is How Much I Love Being Right

Saturday night I got home from work feeling perfectly healthy.  I watched TV on the couch for a couple of hours.  Then I turned the TV off and realized a pulsing, writhing monster had taken up residence inside me.

I knew this feeling:  I was aching all over, and I felt like my eyeballs had just been microwaved.  I knew I had a fever.  Nonetheless, I consulted our thermometer, just to be sure.

And that's when our thermometer slapped me in the face.

This must be a technical error.  I was so convinced I had a fever that I resorted to trying our other, newer thermometer, which I'd been avoiding ever since we moved because I found it packed in the same box as our toilet brush.  But desperate times call for desperate measures.  I asked Ari to dunk it in alcohol, and then I took my temperature.

Even lower?  EVEN LOWER?!  And now I was going to get toilet sickness.  Obviously, the thermometers were conspiring against me.

I confided in Ari about the treachery of our household electronics.  I could tell he was trying to be polite, but he was secretly siding with the thermometers.

By the time I showered and got in bed, I was having chills.  A plague-monster was devouring my insides, and my thermometers didn't even care.  I decided to plea with them one last time.

Before I went to sleep, I took two ibuprofen anyway, out of sheer spite.

The next morning was more of the same.

Do I have a fever yet?




Not even now?


Finally, Sunday night, I took my temperature one last time, and a miracle happened.

And that's when I realize how much I love being right.

The best part, though, was that my fever had earned me the privilege of being openly sick.  No more moping around with my game face on.  Now I could wallow under a blanket on the couch making low-pitched groaning noises that sounded like they came from The Grudge

All was right with the world.


  1. Bahaha...being right is my favorite too. Where are you working now?

  2. Fun Things Etc. in downtown Waynesville. We're living in Canton/Clyde now. Have you started at J.Crew yet?

  3. I totally get it! Being right and being funny are 2 of life's essentials so you now have both!

    I've long told everyone that I want my tombstone to read "I told you I was sick".